blondies!

hey? what's up?? 

guess what i've been up to this past month or so?

cooking

getting a job at my favorite restaurant

sleeping in (sorta)

walking late at night with my mom

reminiscing about new mexico

and other tidbits. 

something i've cooked/baked-experimented last week was blondies.

i love blondies. i actually don't even remember the last time i had a real blondie. like butter, flour, milk chocolate chunks-- the works. i'm pretty sure when i was little, my mom used to throw in white chocolate and butterscotch chips too. a super blondie, if you will. pretty sure it was these ones...

but these are different. they're also super blondies, but on the other side of the spectrum... not of extravagance but of...healthiness? 

hope i didn't lose you there. 

i've been trying to experiment with new flours and whole foods ingredients and consequently came up with this thing. they're suuuuupuer moist, suuuuuuper healthy, suuuuuper simple (if you have the right ingredients). they're borderline aip-compliant with a few substitutions (if that's your vibe). but regardless, they're incredible and i'm glad i still have 5 more squares in my fridge right now. 

there's also a secret ingredient in them (hint hint at my whole foods experimentation): plantains. or rather, a singular plantain. it adds the moistness of a banana without getting any banana-like flavor at all. aka it tastes like a (neutral-tasting) normal blondie with a health kick to it. bomb.

things i like to hear.

anyway, here's the recipe. it's just an excuse to try out tigernut flour and plantains. you're welcome.


flaked sea-salt plantain blondies

serves 9

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what you do

1. preheat oven to 350f. line a 8x8 baking pan with parchment paper (can be hanging off the sides). i do a double-check-non-stick spray on top of the parchment paper, just in case. 

2. in a blender, combine all wet ingredients: peeled plantain, eggs, vanilla, coconut yogurt, and coconut butter until completely smooth.

3. in another bowl, sift dry ingredients: tigernut and coconut flour, beef gelatin, baking soda, baking powder, and salt. mix until combined. 

4. pour wet mixture into the dry and use a spatula to fold wet into the dry mixture. carefully fold in chopped dark chocolate (saving a small handful for the top). 

5. pour (or rather scoop since it's quite thick) batter into lined baking pan and spread evenly. press your remaining small handful of dark chocolate chunks onto the top for ultimate pretty-blondie action. sprinkle flaked sea salt on top for ultra-ultimate pretty-blondie action.

6. bake for 35 minutes or until center is cooked and there is a golden top and a toothpick comes out clean when pierced in the center. 

7. let cool out of the hot pan on top of a cookie rack. make sure to let cool for at least 30 minutes before cutting. 

8. enjoy!

what you need

  • 1 yellow plantain (mine was ~150g)
  • 2 eggs
  • 1 teaspoon vanilla extract (or 1/2 teaspoon vanilla powder if AIP)
  • 1/4 cup coconut yogurt
  • 2 tablespoons coconut butter, melted
  • 1/2 cup tigernut flour
  • 1/4 cup coconut flour
  • 1 tablespoon beef gelatin
  • 1/2 teaspoon baking soda
  • 1 teaspoon baking powder
  • 1/2 teaspoon salt

 

  • 6oz 80%+ dark chocolate, roughly chopped
  • flaked sea salt

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3 days

earlier this spring, my dad and i drove for 3 days from new york to new mexico. and back. i used my iPhone to record what i heard and saw on the way.

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i was grey
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here's the thing about graduating at my school. you wear white. pure, crisp, blinding white. or, at least, that's what you're supposed to wear. commencement is a big deal for obvious reasons: it's a nod at our efforts to succeed at school for the past 13 years and it's a celebration of our last moments of being a teenager in high school. like a lot of other schools, we honor our graduation with diplomas, singing, and our families and close friends in front of us while we grin onstage. we are being championed for us. i am being championed for me. 

the symbolic purity of white dresses is something i've only found at my school, (though i know others do it as well in the city). i wasn't exactly white though.

on graduation day, i knew it was coming-- looks (greatly disapproving) and comments towards my dress. i acknowledged that i was pushing white. even though i had expected some pushback before i came to school, i was still so excited to feel beautiful on a day that celebrates me for me, because that's what commencement is all about, right?

someone had approached me before we walked on stage and told me that the color of my dress would ruin pictures. i kind of spiraled into a whirlpool of self-deprecating and self-conscious mind junk after that. 

i did not feel beautiful, i was insecure. i felt ashamed. i didn't smile wholeheartedly until i realized that people didn't have to look me up and down anymore. the biggest day of our entire upper school life and i showed up looking abnormal. 

but eventually i sucked it up. 

i am me for me. maybe my dress wasn't white, but it was me. "irrefutably you" is what one of my friends told me. 

and that was it.

i was grey. 

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