twenty seventeen

according to some weird website, these were my top nine photographs on instagram this year – (ironically) selected by which ones received the most likes. they're far from my best photos that i've taken this year, or the ones that mean the most to me, at least. 


it's been a long year. i'm done with my lists of things that have happened in the spans of time between each time i write. i think. gosh, it's been a long year. 

i feel like the end of 2017 and the beginning of 2018 is the firsts of lasts (or maybe even the lasts of firsts), if that makes sense. i told my mom in november that this is my last thanksgiving living at home. i told her the other day that this is my last christmas living at home. i'm living my last december, january, and february of high school. i already had my last birthday at home. the walls in my room are slowly filling up with the last photos of my time in new york. i'm going to have my first last prom. and my first last graduation. 

it's weird. 

in this lull of time – of waiting time – until the end of the year, i feel like i'm just wasting time. wasting time all the time. i'm doing things, like school work, but even that seems empty in a way. i think anticipation is killing me. 

i started volunteering at an animal shelter. i started drawing again (the last time, if you remember, was in 8th grade). i might sign up for an art class a few times during the week. i'm trying to start a notebook (but, so far unsuccessfully) again. i'm listening to new music. that doesn't feel empty. even though i'm filling empty time with old things. 

i'm not getting nostalgic yet. 

it's snowing outside.

that's nostalgia. 

here are my hand-selected songs that i listened to the most in 2017. izzy of 2018, listen to these if you want a glimpse back in time.