i am fifteen

it's kind of hard for me to believe that i'm turning fifteen today.

the big 1-5– the year of the quinceanera (that i am not having).

i mean, it's just another year that i've been alive, in a quite literal sense. 

about 6 hours into fifteen-dom i realize that being fifteen is just like being fourteen. it's not like you're turning thirteen, your first "teen" year; or eighteen, your "last" "teen" year, and you're not celebrating your sweet sixteen, either. so i ask, what is it then?

fifteen. just fifteen. 

so instead of saying fourteen you say fifteen. that's basically it. you say you're fifteen and that you're a freshman in high school. that's all that you think has changed.


i don't feel different, i don't look different, i don't sound different, i don't know any different, but i know that i have changed, and will continue to change. and yes, that is both a good thing and a bad thing.

good in the sense that i am becoming more knowledgable and that there will be more opportunities for me.

bad in the sense that i am actually getting older, physically and mentally, and that i will have to hold more responsibility on my shoulders. but there's no stopping it. there's no stopping any of it. and i have to deal with it.

i went with a couple of my friends and my family to two of my favorite places in new york (state) to celebrate my first few days in fifteendom. naturally, i took my camera with me to capture the moments. 

i'll let the film give you a sense of the joy i felt on that day.

so to this i say, happy birthday, me.

may this sixteenth year of existence (and your seventeenth and eighteenth and nineteenth, too) bring you good and amazing things.

if you're reading this, i just want to say thank you. to all of my friends and teachers and classmates, i wish you the absolute best in the future ahead. i'll miss you all.