i’m home for now. all together with my family. i don’t know how to feel or process things other than just existing minute by minute and being thankful for being with my loved ones. trying not to overthink things. i think that’s healthy.

i had a little bit of a breakdown the other night - realizing that with everyone going home because of the coronavirus, it quite possibly might be the last time i see any of my friends for a while. working on projects, having little dinner parties, just being together and talking about somethings or nothings.

initially, the only thing i wanted to do was stay in los angeles. i thought we could all hunker down together and tough it out. have a 2-week long slumber party or something. i thought that was important.

it took me the last 2 days to realize that all i want to do is just be with my family. stuck at home doing puzzles or just reading with the dog.

that is important.

i want to be home.

i’m trying to come up with ways to not get stir crazy inside for long hours (as i know i’ve had troubles with in the past). i’m optimistic. here are some things i’ve come up with so far:

1. catching up on my movie watchlist

2. doing a couple 1000-piece puzzles

3. baking a cake with my mom

4. reading some of the books i’ve been gifted in the past couple of years

5. writing. anything.

6. playing games with the dog - she’s just depressingly laying in front of me right now

7. making homemade pasta with my brother

8. drinking wine. important!

to everyone out there, stay safe.

as my dad wrote last week (when things were seemingly a bit less stressful): “may we all be safe and make lemonade from the lemons of life, and take advantage of its silver linings.”

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izzy is 20 and a college student living in los angeles. this most recent school year hasn’t been easy for her. a lot is going on in the world and she’s having a hard time keeping up with the changes, by herself.

natural disasters amid global environmental degradation, pandemics and the political state of the country makes her uneasy. she listens to the news so she is informed but sometimes it is too much weight for her to bear.

her state of mind has been a shade of blue that may change its hue slightly depending on the day. 

she recalls the last time she was in a similar state of despair.

seven years ago she created a blog because she felt alone. It began as a space to fill her time but quickly turned into a collection of creative endeavors, an accumulation of her images and a place to write her stories. izzy rewinds to february 2, 2014, the first entry in her digital diary: “...but you know what i did about it? i laughed. i laughed because it was my first creation that kind of fell apart and that I was perfectly okay with it. It was all okay.”

as she goes through each post she is reminded of the highs and lows of her life and the words she has used to describe them. She relives celebratory birthdays, holiday feasts, accolades and accomplishments alongside her battles of anxiety/stress, health issues and caring too much what others think. she realizes that there are times when it’s tough to stay positive but life is about ebbs and flows. the steady constant is just creating. 

—

a third-person bio was asked of me for an application recently. i thought the description was especially poignant right now. but really, how dumb is it to write about yourself in the third person?

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